


if i had my way i would be yours

by Winterboxx



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF, RuPaul's Drag Race UK RPF
Genre: F/F, Internalized Homophobia, more tags to be added as it goes on, most of the uk girls will make an apperance, pining over a "straight" girl, this is gonna be a journey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29988258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterboxx/pseuds/Winterboxx
Summary: Everyone always said how stupid it was to crush on straight people. A'whora had rolled her eyes, wondering how that could even happen to someone. Then she met Tayce.Unless Tayce isn't quite as aware of her own feelings as she seems, and there's something going on. But she was straight, she always had been, why would it change?
Relationships: A'Whora/Tayce (Drag Race)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46





	if i had my way i would be yours

**Author's Note:**

> i've had an idea for a multichap for a while and i've finally managed to flesh it out into this. i'm super excited for where this is going so i hope everyone enjoys
> 
> thanks to zyan for putting up with my lack of tags for dialogue and shitty punctuation, she makes this look correct 
> 
> title from yours by now now

“Men are so shit, why do I even try?”

Tayce grumbled, door flying open as she stormed in, landing on the sofa with a huff. A’whora frowned at the look on her face; she knew it well, the guy Tayce had been seeing gave her a bad feeling from the start. She kept her mouth shut at first, knowing how excited she was to go out on more dates with someone. She also didn’t want to deal with the “you hate all of my dates” rant. 

She _did_ hate all of Tayce’s dates, the girl had bad taste in men. 

Or maybe it was down to the fact it wasn’t her. 

She hesitantly walked over, poking Tayce’s shoulder to gauge her reaction and the best response for it. Or at least she planned to, before Tayce grabbed her, pulling her next to her and burrowing her head into her shoulder with a groan. 

“I hate men. What the fuck did I do to only date these fuck boys, Is no guy I'm ever interested in decent?” 

“Do you want an actual response or some comfort?” 

Tayce hummed, mulling it over. She was pissed, the frustration was palpable. Though something about how her roommate's words drew her in. She knew deep down whatever A’whora would say was right, the girl was observant, possibly too so. It made her anxiety worsen on her bad days, but it made her the best option for an unbiased opinion.

“Both?” Tayce replied tentatively, uncomfortable with the insinuation of vulnerability. 

“Because your taste in men is the worst of anyone I’ve ever known.” 

“And the comfort part?” She stifled a laugh, blunt as ever. She’d expected something like that, but the deadpan way A’whora said it never failed to make her crack a smile. 

“You’re too good for average men, too pretty, too smart, too funny. You’re a catch but the people you go after are too stupid to see that.” A’whora wished she could hide her emotions better, knowing her expression had morphed to a hopelessly soft smile, staring at Tayce like she was everything that would ever matter to her.

Tayce futilely tried to hide the blush forming at the parise. Her confidence lifted, knowing how much her friend meant the words. She saw the hesitation as A’whora realised what she’d said and how she said it. It was adorable how she would blurt out something soft then process it after. 

The blonde felt her insides melt as Tayce pulled her into a tight hug, she could feel the warmth that always radiated from her body. It was odd how affectionate Tayce could be; she’d scare anyone else who tried to touch her, glaring with a ferocity that made even A’whora take a step back to give her space. 

But it was different between the two of them. 

Tayce had no problems pulling her into her arms when she wanted attention, or flopping right into her when she felt like it. A’whora would huff, weakly attempt to push her off before leaning into it. Was it normal for two close friends to be affectionate with each other? Absolutely.

Did it make her heart sting any less when Tayce would go on, dating men and being clearly straight? Fuck no. 

They were besties, that’s what she always said. They’d been attached at the hip since 18, meeting at uni and being inseparable. A few drunk makeouts had lead A’whora to wonder if Tayce wasn’t as straight as she insisted, but her lack of interest when there was clearly something between them told her everything she needed to know.

Why the fuck did she have to crush on a straight girl?

Tayce continued to hold her, anger visibly dissipating from her face as A’whora let her get out all of her pent up affection. 

“You’re such a softie.” Though she meant it as a light taunt, Tayce’s tone came out sweetly fond; as if A’whora was the only person in the world who deserved her affections.

“If only I could meet a guy half as good as you, then it’d be a bit easier.” Tayce spoke quieter, as if she was trying to not let anyone hear it despite them being the only people in the room. A’whora was better than anyone she’d ever met. It wasn’t a very fair comparison. No one had the same disgusting sense of humour, wouldn’t put up with Tayce’s constant baked beans every morning or deal well with her energy. Getting along with her was effortless, they could talk and laugh about nothing for hours without even realising it. 

“So I’m better than any guy?” A’whora teased, a grin quickly taking over her face 

The smug look on A’whora’s face was infuriating. She’d never breathe word of this to anyone, but it was something Tayce loved to see. 

“That’s not what I said, you cocky slag, let me be soft.” Tayce shoved the blonde into the sofa lightly, snickering as she fell back. 

“You’re gonna make someone really lucky one day, Tayce.” A’whora gave a sincere smile, melting away any of the cockiness. 

“And you are going to make one lady very lucky Aurora, just don’t let her get in the way of our bestie hugs.” 

“No one ever could.” 

A’whora leant more into Tayce after she spoke, too distracted by the warmth of her friend to ponder her actually getting a girlfriend. Deep down she knew no girl would ever compare to the impossibly high standard that was Tayce. She couldn’t help but put her dates up against her as a standard. Tayce was so bright, had such good energy, could always make her laugh after a bad day, A’whora couldn’t settle for anyone less. 

“So, what happened today?”

“I mentioned my roommate was a lesbian and he started saying how that should make me uncomfortable, that you could start trying to make me sleep with you, and how you weren’t to be trusted, so I told him to fuck off and stormed out.”

The anger was radiating off of Tayce as she recounted the story, remembering the sheer audacity of a man thinking he was right in his bigotry, that she would agree with him. The longer she thought about it the more her blood boiled. How could people like that freely walk around spouting hate, and act like she was the bad one for being appalled by it?

“Be careful, I might spread my gay to you.” A’whora joked, putting her hand in Tayce’s face only for her to swat it away with an exaggerated gasp. 

“Wouldn’t you have done that already by now?” Tayce pondered, the amount of time they spent together would allow it. If she really had magical lesbian turning skills. 

“I’m not yet at full power, be scared.” 

“Oh, I’m frightened of your lesbian powers.” 

“Next thing you know, you’ll be in only leather jackets and flannels and cut your nails super short.” A’whora tugged at Tayce’s shirt for emphasis, erupting into giggles as she gasped and gave an over exaggerated tut at the action. 

“Why would you need—” Tayce trailed off, contemplating the question before realising the suggestion. “You filthy hound, get your mind out of the gutter.”

“You’re just as bad as me!” A’whora whined, pouting at the accusation no matter how true she knew it to be. 

“Maybe so, who’s to know.” 

“Me! Disgusting hound! I know what you’ve gotten up to you can’t call me out for shit.” She gestured to Tayce’s room, grimacing at the implications of what she’d been getting up to with guys. 

Tayce froze. She knew that there was a good chance A’whora had heard something through the walls, but her carelessly admitting it like it was a casual thing sent her through a loop. Her ease of talking about sexual things never failed to startle Tayce, no matter how used to it she should be. 

“Touché, these walls are thin, aren’t they?” 

Tayce played it off with a laugh, not wanting A’whora to realise her mental stumbling. She didn’t have to know her true feelings, they were better left hidden.

“They are, and it was mortifying.”

\---

Tayce was trying not to think about things. It didn’t work out to be the best coping strategy, but the thoughts were too much for her to deal with.

So she didn’t. 

Until she couldn’t stop. 

She wasn’t affected by another shitty date, men were bad. It didn’t bother her, though it sure managed to eat at the small self worth she’d spent too much time trying to slowly cultivate back after her last relationship. 

It fell apart with another failed attempt. It felt pointless. Was she even worth it? She tried to ignore the growing sadness until it took her over. 

She didn’t notice she was crying until she saw tears land on her jeans. It didn’t take long for her to get overwhelmed by it all. Collapsing into a heap, trying desperately to keep quiet and not attract attention. 

“Tayce?” 

The only response she got from the brunette was a groan, burrowing her head into her arms. A’whora cautiously walked closer, laying a hand on her shoulder, only to feel Tayce tense up under her and throw her hand off. She took the cue; she wasn’t in the mood to talk, wanting to be alone instead. 

A’whora started to walk away before Tayce moved again, grabbing her by the wrist to pull her down next to her. 

The blonde tried again, slowly putting her hand onto Tayce’s shoulder. She didn't flinch away this time, staying dead still—it was about then when A’whora noticed her shaking breaths. It was subtle, clearly attempting to hide her emotions. They stayed in that state for a while, Tayce not calmed enough to attempt talking but not wanting A’whora to leave either.

Eventually someone moved, A’whora shuffled down, laying herself next to Tayce to wrap an arm around her back. Tayce let out a small sigh, shuffling ever so slightly closer to her friend. 

She felt A’whora’s thumb starting to stroke her shoulder blade. Soundlessly showing her support. 

“You want me to talk?” Tayce grumbled, lifting her head to speak before promptly shoving it back into her duvet. 

“It’s up to you, do what you feel comfortable doing.”

“It’s stupid.”

“If it’s upsetting you it’s not stupid.”

“It shouldn’t upset me, I'm better than this.” 

A’whora could hear the eye roll in her voice, Tayce was a master at sending mixed signals. She clearly wanted her around and was upset but didn’t want to admit it. 

“I just…” Tayce trailed off, finally rolling over to face A’whora. “I feel like I’m never going to find love, you know? Like none of this is worth it. It just makes me feel a bit worthless, am I not pretty enough? Why can’t I meet the right person?” Tayce sighed, her arm moving to mirror the wrap A’whora had around her back. 

“Tayce, you’re the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met please don’t doubt yourself. It feels like you’re not good enough but I think it’s the opposite. You’re too good and it’s going to take someone special to actually deserve you.” 

She saw Tayce’s face shift, from neutral to disbelief to something softer. As if she believed what A’whora was saying with her whole heart. 

“You really think so?” The vulnerability that slipped out of Tayce then took A’whora aback. This wasn’t the usual tayce, the one who would always ask “Who, me? Like this?” when A’whora complimented her. This reaction was so much rawer. 

“Yeah, you know I’d never lie to you. I can’t tell someone they look good when they don’t, but you always do.” 

Tayce nodded slowly, not trusting herself to let out a verbal response just then. She was too soft, her guard all the way down for the one person who she trusted with it. She closed the distance between her and A’whora, pulling her into a tight hug. 

“You’re such a softie.” She laughed, feeling A’whora shove her before letting out a snicker. 

Tayce couldn’t say it, but that was her favourite thing about A’whora. How easy it was for her to be vulnerable and show a more emotional compassionate side at the drop of the hat. If it were anyone else, she’d envy them in secrecy—but with her roommate? She longed to ask her how to do it. How to let go and be open with someone she trusted. It just couldn’t come out, no matter how hard she tried. 

“You just had to ruin the moment didn’t you. You’re such an ass.” 

A’whora didn’t attempt to hide the fondness in her words, knowing it was what Tayce needed and wanted to hear. She wasn’t ready to be fully vulnerable but she’d tried to let her in as best she could. Patience was one thing she had in excess, no matter what she’d wait for Tayce to be ready. 

She’d always be waiting, forever ready to do anything for Tayce, no matter how much it hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> hi so, i'm aiming to post the next chapter around this time next week, will i keep to that schedule? not sure but i'm going to try
> 
> i'm on tumblr @winterboxx come say hi if you wanna, i post snippets sometimes and post a lot about taywhora


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